I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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