You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
