so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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