You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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