i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
