Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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