i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
50% drunk capacity currently
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
