there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
