Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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