You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
