turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
