I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
