just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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