In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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