I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
