oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
