new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
