people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
