I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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