PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
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