All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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