I'm so fucking centered right now
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
