i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
