I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
