I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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