i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize