new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize