"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
