I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
