I heard we made out
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
