mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
