I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
