Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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