maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
