Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"