cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
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Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
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I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.