Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.