Texts From Last Night

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  (540): View more from Virginia

  woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft

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  (540): woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft http://tfl.nu/ob1j
  Replies (26) Good night (1078) Bad night (4602)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.

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  (732): I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college. http://tfl.nu/q6b4
  Replies (13) Good night (741) Bad night (3808)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'

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  (636): The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.' http://tfl.nu/hueh
  Replies (10) Good night (1111) Bad night (4460)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.

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  (763): FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though. http://tfl.nu/i3qf
  Replies (6) Good night (2534) Bad night (1098)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  Touche salesman.

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  (402): You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less. (1-402): Touche salesman. http://tfl.nu/st32
  Replies (2) Good night (1161) Bad night (515)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.

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  (937): Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me. http://tfl.nu/hltr
  Replies (16) Good night (950) Bad night (1570)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM

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  (336): Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM http://tfl.nu/7din
  Replies (9) Good night (1901) Bad night (571)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.

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  (815): After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin. http://tfl.nu/me1g
  Replies (3) Good night (1032) Bad night (532)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.

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  (719): I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right. http://tfl.nu/asg0
  Replies (8) Good night (1324) Bad night (437)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"

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  (918): Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for" http://tfl.nu/pln7
  Replies (3) Good night (974) Bad night (392)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world

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  (416): Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world http://tfl.nu/enih
  Replies (10) Good night (616) Bad night (941)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?

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  (941): Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"? http://tfl.nu/0496
  Replies (7) Good night (659) Bad night (327)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE

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  (281): HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE http://tfl.nu/e61u
  Replies (2) Good night (480) Bad night (271)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.

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  (903): making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping. http://tfl.nu/jd3y
  Replies (3) Good night (329) Bad night (174)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.

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  (802): You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high. http://tfl.nu/uaad
  Replies (1) Good night (414) Bad night (156)

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