first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today