yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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