omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.