Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You were trust falling into bushes
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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