Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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