so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
