True but thats because hes a fetus.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
