the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
third nipple confirmed
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
