I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
