Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
wat bout pragnant strippers??
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
