They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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