Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
