some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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