I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
