I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
