Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize