mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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