I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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