her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
