she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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