im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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