apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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