i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
