No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
