i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
