your thong is hanging out like whoa
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You're a waste of cheezeits
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
