HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
