We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
