Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
