I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
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after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize