Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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