i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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