i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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