i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
