I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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