Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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