Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Blood and glitter go together right?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
