why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
