I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
