i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
