im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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