I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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