i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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