Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
