It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize