That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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