3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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