He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
