Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
