wake up i wanna do it froggy style
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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