so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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